The Weird Kid
I remember this moment 2 decades ago still clearly, climbing the walls and the grotto in our garden (now non-existent), basking under the sunlight, with paper and pencil on hand, writing wishes addressed to the "god of the sun, god of the wind, god of the oceans and god of the forests" and folding those paper into paper planes that I sent off flying to the empty lot with wild plants and trees beside our house. That moment felt surreal, like everything in my life was in harmony. Nobody taught me how to do these things, they just came to my mind intuitively and instinctively.
I also used to write letters to the spirit guides in the house, one dwarf and one old lady, whom the psychic neighbor told my mom and older sister about. She said that we should maintain the harmony with the home and offer them something sweet so they will enjoy their stay. So what I did was, I poured some juice in a very little cup, left it on the table, only to find it empty by night. Did it just evaporate? Maybe, maybe not.
The Religious Pressure
They have their reasons and some of those are valid alright, which is why at the age of 9, I was pressured to leave behind my belief in this things along my psychic and intuitive gifts.
My Christian faith brought me close to God, and as a kid, I used to pray everyday, however, I was still that weird kid that not everybody gets, however I was blessed to have nice friends growing up as well. In a way, my strong faith in Christ grounded me and guided me especially those times when I had depression in college and had no one else to run to.
Many years later, my fascination towards mysticism and the paranormal still never went away.
That experience was so surreal however I could not tell any of my friends in school about it because they just would not understand. However, I felt at ease anyway because as a kid, I was exposed to people in the Church all speaking in tongues and crying their hearts out during those prayer meetings and vigils that my mom brought us along with.
However, since I was very busy in life - college life, modeling jobs, and everything else in between, my spirituality went kinda stagnant, you know. Yes, I still believe in God but I wasn't doing spiritual practices that much, unless needed (like saying the name of the Lord while having sleep paralysis to wake me up!)
The Dark Night of the Soul
A year later, still recovering from PPD, I got pregnant to my daughter. During these times, my emotions were running high and low, I blamed it on hormones of course. This pushed me to seek the energy healing of genuine crystals. I started collecting crystal bracelets that helped in balancing my energy and emotions.
After giving birth to my daughter, I suffered from post-partum depression once again. I was happy at times but I couldn't prevent myself from getting enraged at everything then getting sad and guilty about it afterwards. I tried to seek help from friends and even family and relatives but they just didn't get it. They told me to get medicine from the doctor, they told me that I should NOT feel this way because it is bad, that I should think positive and start praying to the Lord. I felt so invalidated and even more depressed that I stopped asking anyone for help.
For 3 years, I had been battling this mental and emotional disease. I felt so down that things can't get darker anymore which pushed me to seek God once again. I prayed u"Lord please take me out of this dark place, I don't want to feel depressed and pathetic anymore."
In 2017, I became more aware of my thoughts and emotions, I started meeting spiritual people along the way. I have met crystal healers, tarot readers, and reiki healers who paved the way for me to understand more about spirituality. I realized that there is definitely way more about life that was discussed in the churches that I attended to.
In 2018, I started taking workshops and classes about crystals, energy healing, astrology and joined spiritual retreats that dealt with shamanism, hoodoo practices, and many more. Ironically, these practices, though kind of discouraged by the Church brought me closer to God even more!
You may be asking why did I push on learning these practices even though most religious people were discouraging me...
Well, I realized that spirituality should not be boxed in just one religion, even Jesus Christ traveled to different places to learn more and more about healing when He was still a man living on Earth. They said that doing divination and practicing "witchcraft" is evil, but I realized that some things in the Bible were probably just mistranslated from "poisoners" mistranslated into "witches".
My personal belief on this is that, magick would only bad when your intention is evil, when you use your abiliities to hurt and harm other people, and when you mess with other people's free will.
I will not say that I know everything there is about the Universe for I consider myself as a student of life. I have found out that the more I know, the more I actually don't know. I have repeatedly learnt how to empty my cup to receive new learnings again. I have learned to respect other people's beliefs and faith as well even if they are not exactly the same 100% like mine.
What matters for me now is that, with these gifts that God have given to me and that He has helped developed, I am happy that I also help other people love and empower themselves along the way. When I heal others, I heal s well - and I know that I am on the right path.
How about you, how is your spiritual journey like? Care to share with me?