Last Oct 30, 2016, I gave birth to a baby girl whom we named Vermilion Kashmir. She weighed 3kg and looked pretty healthy. Before they released me from the recovery room (I had a repeat CS), I was told by the nurse that she is in perfect health.
Before we got discharged from the hospital on the night of Nov. 2, 2016, we were told that the baby was fine, so no worries. We drove home happily and worry-free.
We even took her to a newborn photo shoot at her first week in life because we thought that everything was fine. She looked just fine here and in her shots, she looked so pretty and cute!
We took her to the hospital right then and there when she refused to breastfeed from me nor to bottlefeed formula. She vommitted a lot but doesnt want to feed anymore. She looked so weak!
And as all parents dreaded to hear, she was diagnosed with severe late onset sepsis. She was critical and her health was deemed toxic.
It is called late onset when the illness showed up late, when it didn't appear right away after birth. After our checkup with the pedia, she was immediately brought and confined in the NICU (newborn intensive care unit) to be stabilized with medicine right away. At the time we had no idea how serious the problem was.
After a few hours, they came with the diagnosis that apart from late onset sepsis, my child's inflammation in her digestive system MIGHT need a surgery. We were told that the equipments in Marikina Valley Hospital won't be enough for her case so they recommended that she should be transferred to a tertiary hospital who can handle her severe case much better like UST Hospital. We all know how expensive it is there but all for the sake of our child's safety we agreed to have her transferred there.
I was even told by the two pediatrician doctors in the hospital,
"Mommy, ngayon pa lang sinasabi na namin sa inyo, please prepare yourself fully, hindi talaga maganda ang kalagayan ng baby nyo ngayon. Sobrang kritikal at toxic na po talaga. 50/50 po ang buhay nya ngayon. Ipagdasal nyo po ung baby nyo, it might save her life. Kapit lang."
It was so dreadful to hear that, nakakapanghina, to be told even in the most polite way possible, that your child MIGHT die. I was alone during the interviews and I was stopping myself from crying, telling myself all the time to have "grace under pressure" and to stay focused and strong!
In her last few days of stay there, she was finally allowed to drink breastmilk through OGT at first, then by cupfeeding, and for her last two days there, through direct breastfeeding from me.
After getting the go signal for transfer from the head doctor in UST who's looking out for her, we transferred her in a different hospital. On November 19 midnight, she got admitted, this time, I can share the room with her already.
See the photo above? She was finally regaining all the weight she lost. Now, she's back at her 3kg birth weight! Tumaba na ulit ung cheeks nya and looking healthier day by day! It's painful though to see her receiving injections for her swero, madalas kasing maalis since malilikot talaga ang mga babies gumalaw. Sigh..
It must had been very traumatizing for an infant to get confined in the incubator tapos mag-isa lang sya nakahiga doon at hindi naman pwede na 24/7 kaming kasama sa NICU nung nasa UST pa sya. Tapos masakit pang mainjectionan and matapang din ung mga antibiotics nya. She cried everytime na bibigyan sya ng antibiotics. I was told na mahapdi daw rin kasi yon, kaso wala eh, kailangan nya un. Kaya kahit na mahirap, nag-tiyaga rin akong bantayan at alagaan sya ngayong magkasama na kami sa kwarto. Kahit spoiled pa sa karga and yakap, basta gumaling lang sya!
Naisasama na rin namin siya sa labas ngayon, basta sobrang minsan lang naman lalabas, sa hindi mausok at hindi marumi na lugar, yung sandali lang dapat kami, at walang taong may sakit na lalapit sa kanya or hahawakan sya. Must have na lagi siyang may protective cover.
First, to let go and let God handle everything in our lives, to always pray when we seek for His grace and to thank Him for everything. He is the one who provided us with our daily neccessities and all the blessings given to us so He has the right to take away whatever He has given.
Since I was a kid, I have always believed at the existence of God and His powers and that there is a purpose for everything BUT I have never ever prayed that hard in my life before. When my daughter got confined, I was begging God to spare our daughter's life, that He heal her, na wag muna siyang kunin sa amin. I prayed that she gets to enjoy childhood with us her parents, that she gets to grow old and have a family of her own here on Earth, na dapat anak ang naglilibing sa magulang and not the other way around. I understand how painful it must be for a loving parent to lose a child, much more an innocent baby.
Second, to be grateful of all the blessings which includes our parents, families/relatives, our friends and everyone else who prayed with us for Kashmir's healing. We also thank those who gave us moral support and of course, those who reached out to us to share some contribution for Kash's hospital expenses. One day, we will be able to give back to all of them and to share God's love and blessings to others who are in need.
1 I love the Lord, because he has heard
my voice and my supplications.
2 Because he inclined his ear to me,
therefore I will call on him as long as I live.
3 The snares of death encompassed me;
the pangs of Sheol laid hold on me;
I suffered distress and anguish.
4 Then I called on the name of the Lord:
“O Lord, I beseech thee, save my life!”
5 Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;
our God is merciful.
6 The Lord preserves the simple;
when I was brought low, he saved me.
7 Return, O my soul, to your rest;
for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.
8 For thou hast delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling;
9 I walk before the Lord
in the land of the living.
10 I kept my faith, even when I said,
“I am greatly afflicted”;
11 I said in my consternation,
“Men are all a vain hope.”
12 What shall I render to the Lord
for all his bounty to me?
13 I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the Lord,
14 I will pay my vows to the Lord
in the presence of all his people.
15 Precious in the sight of the Lord
is the death of his saints.
16 O Lord, I am thy servant;
I am thy servant, the son of thy handmaid.
Thou hast loosed my bonds.
17 I will offer to thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving
and call on the name of the Lord.
18 I will pay my vows to the Lord
in the presence of all his people,
19 in the courts of the house of the Lord,
in your midst, O Jerusalem.
PRAISE THE LORD!
This experience taught me to be more patient, more loving, more grateful, and more considerate to other people., It taught me to fully embrace the role of being a mom and to be thankful of being blessed with my family - a husband who is a good father and adorable kids who are loving.
So to everyone else who is struggling right now, whatever that might be, just trust in God and believe in the power, the skills and talents that He gave you, that with Him, you can conquer everything. God bless us all!
So, my dear readers, what else are you thankful for that happened this year? Any inspiring stories you care to share with me?